In my life of over 6 decades so far, I realize that I committed to blunders for which I have been paying dearly and still suffering for those. Both of these blunders relate to my unconditional surrender to others’ wills under emotional dedication of mine. The first blunder is related to my marriage. In India, traditional way of marriages is that of arranged by parents. Of course, now parents often take children’s opinion on the relationship. I, being the highest educated person in my family and relations, did not want to give an impression that education broods indiscipline against social norms. So, I left the subject of my marriage totally to the will of my father. He, too, was an emotional person and arranged my marriage with a daughter of his past friend, then daughter of a widow, educated just for name sake, physically frail and perennially sick. I had agreed to the relationship but the problems began with the first meeting itself due to her irritable and immature behavior. I tried to keep peace for 16 years of our togetherness with frequent quarrels in between us, and ultimately left her to be a lonely person.
The second instance of suffering due to my dedication relates to my trying to be a business person, wherein I put the whole of my physical and economic resources without saving even my health or any other thing for myself or for the family. Due to prevalent corrupt and immoral ways of doing business in India, I failed miserably with nothing left with me for a survival. Physically weak and financially bankrupt, I survived somehow. Now, I realize that a person must keep his/her self, family and business interests partitioned from each other, to rely on another if someone cripples down on the way.
Both these moves of mine were very close to be suicidal and surely weakened me with great difficulties in recovering back to my normal state of full of courage and enthusiasm for living happily in my own ways without bothering for others opinion. These experiences educated me to accord top priority to my own health above everything else in the world. A person may be useful to his/her family, friends, society, humanity, etc only if he/she keeps a good health and survives with happiness. A person with sickness or any other problem of his/her own is of no value to anybody but a burden on this earth for others to bear. Such a person is never liked by anyone. Of course, old age debility is an exception to this because of natural occurrence of it. Even in old age, sickness of any kind becomes a problem to the person him/herself as well as to others taking care of him/her.
If you have a cause very important to you, don’t kill yourself for it but live to serve the cause in a better way for a long time to come. Your killing yourself is surely the end of your service to the cause.
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