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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Don’t kill yourself for a dedication but save, for serving the purpose

In my life of over 6 decades so far, I realize that I committed to blunders for which I have been paying dearly and still suffering for those. Both of these blunders relate to my unconditional surrender to others’ wills under emotional dedication of mine. The first blunder is related to my marriage. In India, traditional way of marriages is that of arranged by parents. Of course, now parents often take children’s opinion on the relationship. I, being the highest educated person in my family and relations, did not want to give an impression that education broods indiscipline against social norms. So, I left the subject of my marriage totally to the will of my father. He, too, was an emotional person and arranged my marriage with a daughter of his past friend, then daughter of a widow, educated just for name sake, physically frail and perennially sick. I had agreed to the relationship but the problems began with the first meeting itself due to her irritable and immature behavior. I tried to keep peace for 16 years of our togetherness with frequent quarrels in between us, and ultimately left her to be a lonely person.

The second instance of suffering due to my dedication relates to my trying to be a business person, wherein I put the whole of my physical and economic resources without saving even my health or any other thing for myself or for the family. Due to prevalent corrupt and immoral ways of doing business in India, I failed miserably with nothing left with me for a survival. Physically weak and financially bankrupt, I survived somehow. Now, I realize that a person must keep his/her self, family and business interests partitioned from each other, to rely on another if someone cripples down on the way.

Both these moves of mine were very close to be suicidal and surely weakened me with great difficulties in recovering back to my normal state of full of courage and enthusiasm for living happily in my own ways without bothering for others opinion. These experiences educated me to accord top priority to my own health above everything else in the world.

A person may be useful to his/her family, friends, society, humanity, etc only if he/she keeps a good health and survives with happiness. A person with sickness or any other problem of his/her own is of no value to anybody but a burden on this earth for others to bear. Such a person is never liked by anyone. Of course, old age debility is an exception to this because of natural occurrence of it. Even in old age, sickness of any kind becomes a problem to the person him/herself as well as to others taking care of him/her.


If you have a cause very important to you, don’t kill yourself for it but live to serve the cause in a better way for a long time to come. Your killing yourself is surely the end of your service to the cause.
 

Saturday, January 28, 2012

A mini Autobiography

My name is Ram Bansal and I was born in 1948 and brought up in a family of fighters for freedom of India from British Empire. When I look for a single word for defining myself, word ‘experimenter’ appears to be the most appropriate based on my characteristics and activities. I have been playing many roles, many simultaneously, that form part of my biography.

Childhood, A sharp mind in an ailing body

This is what I was known in the beginning of my life. I suffered an acute small-pox in my childhood with survival with a frail body. Added to it, I had until the age of 12 years a bad habit of eating soils of different kinds that kept worms in my abdomen surviving and feeding on food I used to eat. Apart from this bad habit, I had been a disciplined boy with interest in my studies only. My memory had been very sharp and it remains reasonably good even at my present age of over 63 years. I had been an above-average student.

Adolescence, An Emotional Lover

At the age of 16 years, I was attracted to a girl, and we both called that connection a love affair and still do that, in-spite of the fact that I could never touch her. I got busy with my education and she was married to someone else. This relationship made a deep void in my personality with a deep-rooted desire for loving and being loved. That void still exists as I never got that sort of love from anyone.  I don’t know whether this desire shall go off with my death, or I will find someone with a matching desire before my death.

Boyhood, A Brilliant Student

I have been a sharp student but my involvements in so many things never took me to the top of studentship except in childhood when diversions had been minimal. Still, I am satisfied that I did well and achieved whatever I wanted in the field of my education. I consider myself still a student, and devote my considerable time and other resources to get me educated more and more.

Here, I need to confess my greatest weakness, that of non-participation in any game or sport, which I consider important for developing physical skills. I lack in physical skills usually found in capable persons. This I compensate by my unusual intellect. 

Blooming Youth, An Aggressive Engineer

I had been a very successful Engineer with deep interest in the subject and profession and had a fairly good career in this field enviable to many of my friends – reaching the level of Chief Engineer in 10 years of employment. I used to feel proud of myself when some of my colleagues used to consult me on engineering problems not directly related to my jurisdiction or my field of study – Electrical Engineering.

I consider my period of Engineering studentship at University of Roorkee (now an IIT) as an opportunity to grow physically and intellectually in a highly healthy envirinment   

Outlook about Money, A Poor Marketer

I endeavored in the field of business but miserably failed for my inapt handling of marketing needs of the world too much corrupted with money-mindedness at all costs. I flopped as a business-person.

My poor marketing skill has its genesis in my not giving much importance to earning and accumulating wealth as a status symbol as many of friends, family members and relations do and keep on asking me to do the same. I consider money to be important in life to the point of meeting daily needs and necessities. Beyond this point, money becomes a burden in itself and diversion from intellectualism.

For my never having more than enough money under my control, I live a modest life with minimum possessions, modern facilities and comforts. Still I feel contentment with this lifestyle of mine. This has affected my way of working. In 1993, when personal computers got developed and began to sweep the intellectual world into its fold, I too wanted to have computer which was beyond my available means. So, I went to a bookshop, purchased a book on computer hardware, studied it, went to computer market, purchased computer hardware components with minimum configuration, assembled them at home, and began using and learning more about computers. Since then, computer has been my best friend and a utility.   

Purpose of Life, A Researcher

During my education and later studies, I learned that many well-known scientific theories and concepts are proved wrong by later researchers with new propositions. Due to this, I treat every scientific and engineering theory with doubt and try to establish some improved versions of these. This made me a life-long researcher in every topic I deal with.

I am of the opinion that the Earth instead of orbiting around the Sun is jumping up and down between two positions in space, with this new geometry explaining all related phenomena of weather changes and variation in day-night cycles are very well satisfied.

Current theory of visibility of things through reflected light from their surfaces reaching the viewer’s eyes is also proved wrong by me. Similarly, I have proposed a new geometry for formation of images in a mirror.

I researched for 8 long years on spirituality theories and practices and concluded that all such things are psychological games played by cunning persons as their businesses on innocent persons to misguide them. These researches made me a determined atheist.   

What I Love, Authorship

I am less a ‘writer’ more an ‘author’, as I write only my original ideas after a lot of research and pondering over the matters dealt by my writings. Of course, I do write books on Engineering and Computer Sciences, as a writer to earn my livelihood. 

After my full growth and finishing my academic education, my most favorite subject of study and authorship has been psychology on which I write articles and publish them online. It gives me a boost to my quest when I find that my writings are liked by readers. I like my professional subject of study – Engineering, but its practice is blocked now for my living in a village. Still, I keep on writing books on Engineering for print media.  

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Organize your Self and Home, Periodically

Organizing the self means providing adequate time for every desired activity to lead a balanced lifestyle. Organizing home means so that it provides the most desired environment for the person. These two aspects of life are keys to a happy fulfilled life.
Organize your Self and Home, Periodically

Saturday, January 21, 2012

‘Love Me or Leave Me’ Attitude is Disastrous for a Relationship

‘Love me or Leave me’, is often demanded by some of those involved in a relationship without understanding its meaning and consequences. This attitude means that the person is going to remain in the relationship what he/she has been before the relationship without any adjustments for the partner of the relationship. This is rigidity of attitude and a way to block the relationship.

Every new relationship, between two independent individuals that far, needs some readjustments in the attitudes and lifestyles of the two persons for the sake of each other. Two must be prepared even for sacrifices for each other. If some one or both stick to their lifestyles what they were before the relationship, the relationship is going to be doomed.

Once, long back in 80s, I developed a liking for a call girl knowing very well her profession. She was very well groomed and cultured and we began meeting often. She was always punctual and behaved as loving partner during her meetings with me. Once, she did not turn up for a few days. On next meeting, I asked her the reason for her absence, which she plainly explained, “You know my profession and my obligations”, and that was the end of our relationship. To me, this meant that she was not interested to come out of the glut she was in and was continuing her profession even with a relationship with me. For her, I was just a customer like many others. Her attitude was just, ‘love me or leave me’. I repented for my choice.

That and similar other experiences indicate that a person hardly gets changed from what he/she has been during his/her formative years from the age of 16 to 20 years. That is the critical duration of the person’s physical, mental and intellectual growths and whatever he/she becomes in these years is hard-wired in his/her personality. This may change only with concerted efforts of the person with his/her realization that he/she needs to change to adjust to a new situation.

A person hard-wired for a lifestyle un-congenial for durable relationship with someone, often, develops an attitude of ‘love me or leave me’ with no intention to change or readjust in view of a new relationship. Such a person, on his/her own volunteer out of developing a relationship with someone, in the interests of both – self and the prospective partner. He/she is not fit for a relationship due to his/her rigidity of attitude in accordance to his/her hard-wiring.

The genesis of this article lies in a friend’s involvement with a woman rigid on her attitude, obviously hard-wired for a free life, un-congenial to a relationship. The friend is heart-broken today and he asked for my thoughts on the issue.   

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

jo: How To Bee Friendly: Wait for You



 

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